I'm not cool, right?
by SugarHigh Zombie
Summary: Shaianne started as a makeup artist and hair dresser for the Raw divas. After an incident with Carlito, Vince decides to make her his valet. Will they be able to get through the storyline without killing eachother?
1. Spit in the Face

**This is my first wrestling fic. Hopefully not my last. I'm trying things out and experimenting, so tell me what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything. Well, except the character Shaianne. Though not really, it's a long story. What are you doing still reading the disclaimer? Is this what you do all day? Read disclaimers and not even get to the story? Are you not human? Leave the disclaimer alone now, he's crying.**

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"Hurry up people! Move it or lose!" 

A girl was rushing the divas to get their makeup and hair done. She could never figure out why the hell it took some of them so long to get here, especially when they had to go on in about 15 minutes. "I'll be finished in just a minute Trish, stop being all fidgety!"

"Ok Shaianne! You better not end up making me look like Golddust on a bad day"

Shaianna giggled, everything was funny to her. The Big Show could sit on a newborn baby, and she would laugh her head off. Hell, she would just thinking about it. Maybe that was just the way she functioned. She finished off Trish's make up and the diva ran to the ring for her match. "Eh, I have nothing to do. Might as well watch." Shaianne watched backstage as trish faced off against Victoria.

As Shaianne watched, she couldn't help but think how terrefied she'd be facing Victoria in the ring. She probably break her in half. She was only 5'2", not very tall at all. "I think even Rey Mysterio is taller than me." she thought in her mind. She had on black baggy pants with a white belt and black t-shirt with white hearts and rainbows on it. She had her black hair tied up in pigtails with her bangs hanging freely. She usually wore sneakers since they were usually easy to move around in. She watched as Trish did the chick kick on Victoria and pinned her for the win. "Yes! I did the the makeup of a winner!" Shaianne screamed. Apparently too loud since she could feel eyes staring at her from behind.

She turned around to see RVD and John Cena staring at her quizzically. "What? I can't say 'yay' anymore?"

"No, go ahead. But who are?" asked RVD.

"I wouldn't expect anybody other than the divas to know, I'm Shaianne, makeup and hair...uh person." She flashed one of her cute smiles at them.

"I could have sworn you were one of the divas, you have the looks of one. Well, an Xtreme one." said John Cena, probably because she looked like she stole the clothes from Jeff Hardy's closet. "All I need is that body paint stuff and I'd probably look like him, only cuter."she thought giggling.

"What a mistake that is, my lazy ass wrestling with girls bigger and heavier than me? I'd probably bust my head open just trying to get into the ring." Shaianne laughed because she knew it was true, no way was she even going to try and lie. Both superstars laughed at her openness.

"At least your honest, that's a good thing. Too many phony characters hanging around here." Cena said leaning against the wall. Shaianne stared at RVD for a minute before finally saying out loud, very loudly might I add "I've always wanted to ask you this, are you wearing a mullet?" John cena cracked up laughing while RVD was surprised at the randomness of the question.

"No, it's not a mullet."

"Are you sure? Cause it looks like a mullet." She said getting extremely close to RVD's head examing it.

"I think I'd know what was on my head."

"Now, now kiddies, no need to fight over what the hell is on his head." said John Cena jokingly.

"Mind if I give you a haircut?" Shaianne asked, now twirling his hair around her fingers. RVD look terrefied.

"No! Who do you think you are?"

"I think I'm Shaianne, official Raw makeup and hair person" she said while pointing to herself obliviously.

Right then, Carlito walked in throwing his apple around from hand to hand.

"Holy shit, it's a human Q-Tip!" exclaimed Shaianne. This time Cena and RVD laughed their asses off as Carlito just looked at this small, smartass girl.

" What did you just say about Carlito?" he said in his caribbean accent.

"I said you look like a human Q-Tip, I mean that fro of yours is bigger than the empire state building." Shaianne said flicking his hair. Carlito seem to get pissed off at her remark.

"You are definately not cool" and with that, Carlito took a bite out of his apple and spit it in Shaianne's face.

Shaianne stood there surprised and confused at what just happened as Carlito left for the ring. RVD walked over and handed her a towel to get the apple bits off of her face.

"That asshole, he can't take it like a man." said Cena walking over to Shaianne to see if she was ok.

"I think I swallowed some of his spit. He had to spit at me while I had my mouth opened." she said pissed off at being embarrassed by Mr. Human Q-Tip who can't take a joke for shit.

"He's just an asshole, don't worry about him" assured RVD.

"Yeah, I guess. I should get going anyway, I have to pack all my supplies for the day. Nice meeting you guys."

"Nice to meet you, hopefully we'll see eachother later." said Cena

"Yeah, I hope so. It'll be easy since we both work here. Oh, and RVD, I'm still going to try and give you a new hair do." Shaianne walked off, leaving a nervous Rob Van Dam grabbing at his hair.

Shaianne walked into the makeup and hair room and started putting things packed and ready. A while later, a knock was heard at the door. "Come in whoever it is." said Shaianne putting down the five different brushes and combs she had in her hands. Vince McMahon walked in, in his cocky "I'm so much richer and powerfuler than you" attitude. Shaianne looked confused since he normally didn't really address the workers like her unless it was really important.

"The reason i've come to see you is, I've got propsition for you"

"A what-what?" asked Shaianne blankly. She wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box. But that doesn't make her dumb, just a tad bit slow. Vince rolled his eyes and ried to dumb down his language a bit.

"I have a deal for you. I saw the whole encouter with you and Carlito."

"You did? what are you? A stalker!" Shaianne said in awe, she didn't see him anywhere.

"I was in the corner, you were to busy with spit on your face to notice me probably" said Vince

"He had to bring that up didn't he?"she thought angrily still remembering the incident.

"Well, after I saw that, I suddenly had a hint of inspiration. I've decided to give you the chance to be in a storyline on raw." Shaianne stared at him dumbfounded. Did she hear correctly?

"There is something else you should know. If you agree to play along with the story line, you will have to give up your current job as make up artist and hair dresser. When the storyline comes to an end, you will not have it back. Do you think you want to accept my offer?"

She thought about it for a minute. She loved the job she had now on raw, she was traveling, meeting new people, getting a good salery, but she always wanted to be in the spotlight. Even for a moment. But what exactly what she going to do in this 'so-called' storyline?

"Before I decide, can I know what role I'm going to be playing in this whole thing if I agree?"

Vince smiled slyly. "You're going to be Carlito's valet."

Shaianne almost fell back and hit her head on the table behind her. "Is this some kind of sick joke! Didn't you say you saw what happened between us? Don't be such a douche bag and make me work with him!" she giggled a little because she used the word douche bag for the first time in her life.

"You can the offer or leave it. It's not up to me." Vince looked at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.

"I hate him, but I really want to be in the spotlight. At least for a minute. Hell, it could be fun. I could find a way to screw things around." Shaianne looked up at Vince and giggled. "You got yourself a deal."


	2. Carlito says

**I had to write the second chapter already. I didn't want to forget where i was going with this story. Read and Review!**

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_"Visit you at Baskin Robins all the time, to let you know that I am yours and you are mine. So we can take long walks through Central Park and hold each others hands to fight the dark. So you know that you're never on your own, so you know that you're never on your own. My Bonnie lies over the ocean, my Bonnie lies over the sea and every night at 2 a.m..."_

"Jesus christ, last time I fall asleep with my head phones on."

Shaianne had that song stuck in her head since the morning now and it was starting to piss her off. She walked into the her "dressing room" which happened to be right besides Carlito's.

"I can still feel apple pieces on my face, eww that is not a healthy habit." She thought as she flung the door and threw her bag inside the room. It an alright room, bathroom, mirror, table, clothes...

"Clothes? What the hell?" Shaianne looked at the clothes that were neatly folded on the table with a note from Vince. "Apparently these are my new clothes." she said aloud with a cheesy smile plastered on her face. She was wondering if this was going to happen.

To replace her normal 'xtreme attire' as cena put it, there were mini skirts that ranged from white, pink, blue, and yellow.

"I hate yellow." she thought with a frown. There were also tons of cheesy shirts with floral prints and stupid sayings.

"Oh god, they've given me his fashion sense as well." she thought. Eh, she could deal with it. Wearing different clothes wasn't going to kill her, but it was sure going to make her look like an ass.

"Hey, the bad apple shirt. Sweet!" she said picking up a modified version of Carlito's shirt. It was tighter and cut above her belly button. She imagined herself wearing it and shivered at the thought. "I'm going to look like a Carlito groupie whore"

She sighed and layed on the bed that was in the room. "Things don't always go as planned, but in the end good things come out of it. I think. There better be good things to come out of this occasion or I'm going to get pissed off and cry." She was jolted out of her thought by a knock at the door.

"Who could it be? Maybe it's Senor Apple Spitter." With all the luck in the world, it was. She opened the door to see a semi-bummed Carlito. "I guess he's not over the Q-Tip joke yet." she thought.

"He better not have any freaking apples with him or I swear I'm going to choke him with his own aloha shirt" She let him and sat on the bed, waiting to see what he had to share with her today.

"Carlito has been informed that you are now Carlito's valet. Carlito does not want to have someone as uncool as you associated with Carlito. But, Carlito still has hope that he can make you cooler, so just listen to everything Carlito has to say and you'll be almost as cool as me. You got got, uh...what the hell is your name?"

Shaianne looked blankly at him for a moment. Carlito started to wonder if she even heard a word of what he had said. Did he accidently talk in spanish the whole time and confused this chick? Suddenly he saw her snap out of her blankness and respond.

"Why do you keep talking in third person? Do you not know you're Carlito?"

There was silence for a while. In that silence Shaianne wondered what she just did wrong. She also thought that she was at the right angle to kick him in the balls if he even looked like he was reaching for an apple.

"Tendré un dolor de cabeza con esta chica. ... " muttered Carlito.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to give you a headache." Carlito looked at her surprised for a second.

"What? Didn't expect me to know espanol? My parents are peruvian and cuban, how could I not know?" Shaianne asked confused. She thought it was pretty obvious, Carlito must not pay much attention to detail.

"Well, at least that's something that could come in handy." he thought.

"By the way, my name's Shaianne." She held up her hand to shake his. Carlito hesitated, but shook her manicured hand.

"You better get out of those things you call clothes and put on your new cool gear. I have a match today." Carlito walked towards the door ready to leave.

'Really, that's cool! Oh, damn!" Shaianne couldn't even say the world without feeling slightly cheesy. "Uh, anyway, against who? Who are you fighting?" she asked, truely interested. Carlito looked back and gave a smug smile, which made her feel kind of weird.

"Rob Van Dam" he said, then he walked out and closed the door.

God damn, out of everybody on the Raw roster. Did she have the worst luck in the world. Hm, Carlito might not win though. She's seen his olf wrestling matches from the ECW days, very hardcore and painful looking. Even in the WWE, he still had his same fighting style and equally as painful looking moves. But if Carlito lost...hm, that's like her losing. At least in her logic.

"I hate my brain for having to confuse me and making me make stupid choices" Shaianne changed into her new clothes, the modified baby blue "Bad Apple" shirt and black skirt. "Ha, take that. A black skirt. That's me sticking it to the man." she laughed at her playfulness. She cracked herself up. She finally put on some black high heels shoes and walked around trying to find Carlito so they could make their entrance.

"How can some of these women walk in high heels all the time? My feet are killing me and I haven't even walked five feet yet." Shaianne finally saw Carlito standing near the arena entrance, impatiently waiting for her so they could make their entrance.

"What took you so long?" asked Carlito. He eyed her up and down. "Carlito definately sees an improvement."

"Sorry, these torture devices on my feet were holding me back. Also, what do you mean by improvement? You trying to call me ugly!"

"Trust me, I wasn't trying." said Carlito chuckling. With that, Carlito and Shaianne made their entrance with Carlito's caribbean music playing. Carlito smiling smugly and Shaianne trying to walk normally with a pissed off look on her face.


End file.
